


Can't Take It Back

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-14 01:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10526400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	

As you sat at the table, looking across the coffee shop at your friend who’d just walked in, you wondered if you should continue coming here. Whenever you walked in, you sat down at your usual table to start working and ended up getting lost in thoughts of the boy genius’s fluffy brown hair, soft brown eyes and slightly upturned smile. 

Nearly two months ago was when you’d met him for the first time. Ever since then you’d been smitten, but you didn’t have the courage to tell him how you felt, so instead, you did what someone in your shoes would do in a cheesy rom-com - get lost in a daydream until it was too late and never have anything happen. But rejection was a great deterrent. “Hey, Spencer,” you managed to utter as he came to your table and sat in the seat across from you. “How’s work been?”

“Awful,” he said, pushing a cup of coffee your way. The past couple of weeks had apparently brought a number of ridiculously difficult cases past the members of the BAU. “This last case involved a man who was killing boys that were in similar childhood situations to his own because he thought it would be a mercy for them. He killed five before we were able to apprehend him.” 

You couldn’t imagine being in his position. His work was exemplary and what he did took an insane amount of courage you weren’t sure you possessed, but how he came across such horrific situations day in and day out and didn’t lose his mind was beyond you. “I’m so sorry, Spencer,” you said, keeping yourself from reaching across the table and grabbing his hand. It didn’t seem appropriate given that you weren’t dating, no matter how badly you wanted to be. 

“I just don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to do this.” You convinced him that he was stronger than he gave himself credit for, and he’d been okay with time. 

After finishing your coffees, Spencer invited you to a movie. He needed to get his mind out of work, and he claimed that between you and a movie, he could make that happen. 

Once the movie was over, you both went your separate ways for the day, but your heart skipped a beat when you got a text from him saying how much he appreciated you letting him vent today; he needed it, and didn’t have too many people that were willing to listen to him. The entire way back to your apartment, you debated whether or not to say something to him. He’d always been so ridiculously nice to you. He bought you coffees at the shop all the time. Whenever he asked you to go out so he could vent, he always paid for you, even though you could’ve paid yourself. And he seemed to get nervous around you. Maybe he did like you?

But maybe he didn’t. And if he didn’t, you weren’t sure if you could deal with that reality. On the other hand, if you didn’t tell him, then you’d never know what might have been, and you weren’t sure which reality was more painful.

As the next few weeks went by, whipping Spencer up in another couple of horrific cases, you tossed the idea of confessing your feelings for him back and forth. After much deliberation, you’d decided; it had to be done. Even if he did reject you, you didn’t think that pain could be worse than never knowing. 

When Spencer texted you to tell you he was back and was wondering if you could talk, you jumped on the opportunity, telling him to meet you at the coffee shop in a couple of hours. You were unable to control yourself, so instead of waiting in your apartment, you walked down to the coffee shop ahead of time and sat down to read a book. 

The hours felt like days until he walked into the shop, thrown off by the fact that you were sitting on the couch at the side of the store, rather than at your usual table. “Hi, Y/N,” he said with a smile, sitting down next to you.

“Before you say anything,” you started, ensuring you could get this out before you lost your courage, “I need to tell you something.” He looked at you quizzically, but didn’t say anything, so you continued. “Ever since I met you, I’ve had a crush on you.” If you had been looking up at this point, you would’ve noticed his face sinking and undoubtedly stopped.

“You’re really sweet and funny. You’re so nice and obviously crazy smart. I just think that we could be really good together, and I wanted you to know that. I feel like you might see it too.” When you stopped, you felt a weight lift off your shoulders - until you looked up and met his gaze. “You don’t feel the same way, do you?” you asked, the tears already forming a wall in front of your eyes.

Spencer took a deep breath. “I-I do,” he hesitated, looking down and fiddling with his thumbs, “It’s just that…I have a girlfriend.”

That you did not expect. He’d never mentioned a girlfriend before, and you’d been friends for months. The realization that the entire time you’d felt these things for him, he’d been actively thinking them about someone else, broke your heart. “Oh…” you breathed, feeling a weight descend on your chest. “I didn’t know…I’m sorry.”

For a few minutes, neither of you said a word. He was with someone else and you realized that you’d ruined your friendship. As the tears rose to your eyes again, you picked up your bag and placed the strap over your shoulder. “You’re leaving?” he asked, his eyes pleading with you not to go.

“Yea…” you said, as a tear escaped your eye. “I thought you felt the same way…you were always so nice to me and never mentioned a girlfriend, so I thought maybe you liked me, but I guess I was wrong. I’d like to be friends, but I don’t think I can do that right now.” You situated your bag on your shoulder and turned to leave. “Bye, Spencer.“

You could tell that he reached out for you as you left, but you couldn’t bring yourself to turn around and pretend that what you said hadn’t been said. As the world zipped around you, the only thing you could hear was a mumbled noise that sounded like your name, and the only thing you could feel was the wall of tears streaming its way down your heated face.


End file.
